Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Thank goodness.  Tomorrow is the day we’ve all been waiting for:  Election Day.  You may think I’m eager to exercise my right to vote and play my role in shaping our future or anxious to know who will be the Leader of the Free Will for the next 4 years.  Nope!  I’m excited about Election Day because afterwards, I get my Facebook back!

“Where did your Facebook go?” you may be wondering.  I’m glad you asked.  Facebook is still there, but for the last several months it’s been taken over by Left Wing Radicals . . . and Right Wing Extremists.  My politically charged up friends have been busy posting  insane clips from strange websites in misguided attempts to persuade others of their beliefs.  It’s kind of like they joined opposing cults.  Or gangs.

You’ve heard of the Crips? These are the ‘Crats.

I have a handful of level-headed friends who, like me, have decided that Facebook is not the place to begin a political debate.  These folks stick to posting pictures of their kids, of their summer vacation or their lunch.  Earlier this summer the climate on Facebook became so political that I posted this on my Facebook Wall:

I thought it was funny

A friend I will call “Gertrude” didn’t find this post funny.  Gertrude is a person I haven’t seen since the day I graduated from High School.  The very next day after I posted that cartoon on my wall, she began to send out a series of posts with such phrases as, “Well if this offends any of my NON political friends I apologize!”  “I’m SORRY if my right to discuss politics offends you!” and much, much more.  Gertrude normally posts 5-10 times a day so that wasn’t unusual, but it began to be pretty obvious that these posts were aimed at me.  Me?  The person who had purposely avoided making any reference to either political party or any remotely political statements for months?  I sat there stunned for a moment.  Then I got a little . . . Angry.

“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”

Gert was a person I didn’t even like in High School!  Why the heck would she be so offended by my frivolity that she felt the need to attack me?  Why would she care?  She was the one who sent me a friend request and now she was calling out my post?  Oh no sister, I exercised that right of passive-aggressive middle age women everywhere:  I hit the “unfriend” button!

I don’t get the radicals.  Being against something doesn’t make you for something.  I’m not talking about the politically passionate.  There’s a difference between radical and passionate.  I would actually enjoy a good long discussion with someone with opposite views than mine.  I would like to hear your reasoning and I would like you to listen to mine.  I think the worst thing that could happen is that one or both of us might learn something.  But just slinging mud and name-calling?  Well, I had my fill of that in high school.

A comic from the other gang, er . . . Party.

So anyway, after today everything will settle down and people will get back to normal.  (As normal as anyone is on Facebook)  To me Facebook has never been a place to discuss politics or religion.  It should be lighthearted, fun, almost a modern-day gossip column if you will.  I want to know who’s going to the big game, who’s going to the movie and how was it, and who sticking to their diet.  That’s about as radical as I get.

By the way, some bloggers, Life with the Top Down and Peg-o-leg, (who are much more talented than I am!) have some very humorous and entertaining views about the upcoming election.  Check out No Room For Lame Excuses for some very interesting election day trivia and All in the Political Family: When Mom and Dad Play Favorites for a look at what it’s like not to be a swing state.

And don’t forget to exercise your right to vote tomorrow!  Remember, if you don’t, you can’t bitch complain on Facebook or your blog for four more years!

Merry Christmas, and Season’s Greetings

I’ve seen several postings on Facebook this holiday season adamantly opposing using the phrase “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”.  These same folks are usually angrily declaring that they are Christians and will from here forth refer to this season as Christmas!  This is usually followed with the phrase of “Put Christ back in Christmas” or “He’s the Reason for the Season.”  Of course then you are told that if you are a Christian you will copy and post to your status.  Doesn’t it seem as though these people who are fervently trying to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas might have lost a little bit of it?

I would like to heartily wish every single one of you reading this post a Very Merry Christmas.  If you do not celebrate Christmas, I doubt my wish offends you.  I believe you take my wish in the spirit in which it was intended as any reasonable person would. 

courtesy of some of my angry facebook friends

I apologize for not publishing the best posts lately, I’ve been a little distracted getting ready to celebrate with my family.  I hope wherever you are and whatever you are celebrating you have a wonderful, safe time.  I will be taking a few days off to spend with family – hubby, Tink and the extended members of it – and I’m sure I’ll be good and angry and ready to post more ramblings after the holidays.  Until then, Merry Christmas AND Season’s Greetings and thank you so very, very much for taking the time to read my goofy little blog.

Thank you Maxine.com (I very well may be considered one of those dim bulbs!)

Quick Quips

As most of you know, I’ve been imprisoned all week and all my creative energy sucked out of my brain by long business meetings.  Please forgive me for offering you an appetizer-size sample of some of my friends’ wittiest comments over the past few weeks.

The best of the recent Facebook moments:

A friend posted on Facebook “Do something nice for a stranger, even if it’s just a smile and a ‘hello’!”  I replied, “I have no problem smiling and being nice to a stranger. It’s my family that might take a little more effort!”

A co-worker posted on Facebook that she was nervous about leaving her 9 week old baby with the sitter and returning to work on Monday.  I replied, “Yea!  It will be just like old times!  Oh wait . . . this was supposed to be inspirational.”

Reminds me of my Tanorexics Anonymous meeting . . .

 
My friend Brian posted yesterday:  Things you probably shouldn’t say at the Holiday Customer Service Desk:  “Can you help me exchange my balls or do I need to get your supervisor?”  
 
 
“I’m sorry, it seems the problem was I was adding wrong.” posted by our company’s Chief Financial Officer
 
 

 
“I saw a grown man with a stuffed Papa Smurf attached to his backpack.  Is that code for something?”  Reply, “I told you to stay away from the Walmart in downtown Baltimore!”
 
 
That’s all for today folks.  Tune in Monday when hopefully I’ll have a little more energy and can be a bit more creative!  If I survive tonight’s company Holiday Party that is.
 

Let's hope this isn't a scene at tonight's event!

 
 

To be or not to be . . . Friends on Facebook

I admit that I was very late to join the Facebook bandwagon.  I had heard of it, but I didn’t really know what the heck it was.  The first time I logged on a few years ago, I set up an account but then honestly couldn’t figure out what the big deal was so I forgot about it.  It wasn’t until a friend of mine found me on Facebook and asked me – face to face believe it or not – why I didn’t use it.  So I logged back in after more than a year and that was all it took – I was consumed!

That was a little more than 2 years ago and since then I would hate to try to add up all the hours I have wasted there.  Posting nonsense about my day, my family, the fact that I’m cleaning my house.  I mean really, there was no end to the crap I would announce to the world.  Then my Mom joined and I thought that would end my fun.  No more posting about “Time to open that bottle of wine!” or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!”.  Nope, now my status updates would only include the mom approved verbiage like “Headed to church . . . again” or “Spending quality time with my husband and family”.  But Mom didn’t last long on Facebook, thankfully.

I found my high school class, most of whom I had not heard from in more than 20 years.  There were so many people who I enjoyed catching up with.  There was the class valedictorian who was a colossal nerd but a wonderful guy.  I had made it a point to befriend him in 7th grade because I felt sorry for all the crap he put up with from the rest of the class.  We would call that bullying these days but back then it was just referred to as being picked on.  I always thought that if I was really smart I would marry him one day.  I was convinced he would run the world when he grew up.  Turns out he doesn’t control the world, but he became a world-class heart surgeon . . . of children.  So now he’s rich and a really good person.  Turns out I was right about that one.

I also reconnected with my former childhood best friend as well as my best friend from high school.  Both still lived relatively close to where we grew up and had beautiful children.  That was rewarding to see and hear.  I also found my first love from high school.  At first I was very alarmed because his profile picture showed him behind bars.  Well, considering all that he was into when we dated that didn’t seem to be a stretch, but it turns out he works in law enforcement and he thought that picture was funny.  He is also extremely overweight.  So I showed that picture to my daughter when a boy she liked broke up with her.  I assured her that sometimes things turn out for the best.

Then there was that weird guy, David, that friended me.  (ok I have to take a moment to say that I still find it odd that ‘friend’ and ‘unfriend’ are now verbs)  I remembered the name and I was sure I went to high school with him, but beyond that I really didn’t remember much.  Then one night I was scanning my newsfeed to see what interesting things my friends were up to while I watched Grey’s Anatomy, and David sent me a chat message:

Him “Hey there, what are you up to tonight?”

Me, “Just watching to TV” while thinking ‘who is this guy again?’

Him “I’m enjoying my first bourbon and coke of the night.”

Me “Oh, good” thinking ‘yuck bourbon and coke!’ and ‘so??’

Him “It’s really good after such a long day”

Me “I bet” thinking still ‘what excuse can I make to get off of here?’

Him “How have you been beautiful?”

I just sat there.  Now, I ain’t ugly but when someone who hasn’t seen me in more than 20 years calls me beautiful it kind of creeps me out; however, I was raised in the South so I didn’t want to be rude.

Me “I’ve been well and you?” thinking ‘why am I asking him open-ended questions??’ then I add “Were you in my graduating class or the year before me?” thinking ‘I’ve got to figure out who this guy is’

Oh holy hell, I did not yet know rule #1 about creepy Facebook friends:  Never let them know you have no clue who they are!

Him “YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME!” the all caps were his.

Me “Of course I do.” thinking ‘crap’

Him “I’m hurt you don’t remember me”

Him “I can’t believe you don’t remember me”

Him “That really hurts”

Me “I have to go, my husband just walked in” thinking ‘got to unfriend this kook tomorrow, can’t do it tonight or he’ll notice and track me down’

Now I have the good sense to always appear “offline” so that no stalkers-in-training can find me.  Also, my employees who are also friends can’t tell when I’m goofing off on Facebook when I should be working.  Nor the CFO of the company who unfortunately is also a ‘friend’ of mine on Facebook probably for the same damn reason I friended my employees.  You have to be careful when your employees are your friends though, because even if you post something as innocent as “Long day at work today” then one of them feels the need to comment “Sorry!!  I’ll be good tomorrow” or “Was it that thing with Kelly??” to which Kelly will address passive-aggressively by posting on her Facebook page, “I will not allow myself to be brought down by other’s negativity” or a bible quote that I know is actually comparing me to the devil.

And then someone that I fired 5 years ago “friends” me.  Really?  I mean really??  Now I have to say that I had noticed that she was a ‘friend’ of several of my other co-workers and friends and that kind of pissed me off.  She was a fruitcake which of course was the reason I fired her years ago!  But being the mature, well-adjusted woman that I am, I had moved past all that.  Now she was “friending” me.  I couldn’t just ignore it . . . could I?  I mean here she was being mature enough to reach out and if I ignored it wasn’t I holding a grudge that really wasn’t mine to hold?  Crap – I had to accept.  Then she posts on my Wall “Your daughter is beautiful!  So good to see you and your family.  Hope you are doing well!”  Really?  I mean really??  Because I’m pretty sure you have a voodoo doll of me and tried to curse me and my whole family with Ebola

And finally I have one of my former best friends on Earth.  I only say she’s former because I haven’t seen her in person in more than 4 years.  We never had a fight or real disagreement or anything, but we moved away 9 years ago and just haven’t had time to meet up in recent years.  I always thought of her as a funny, vibrant, wonderful, professional human being.  Well, according to her Facebook posts she’s a vindictive whiner.  That’s mean . . . she’s just a whiner.  Lately her posts have consisted of:

“I don’t have time to hate people who hate me, because I’m too busy loving people who love me” or “May your friends respect you, your troubles neglect you, your family protect you, and negativity not affect you!!!” or “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” and my personal favorite “If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative”.  Really?  I mean really??  If you have to spend that much time reminding people you don’t care what they think then maybe you need to stay off Facebook.

Lately most of my own Facebook posts revolve around sports.  I’m a college football nut who used to have season tickets but now I have a big screen HDTV.  So my new seats are climate controlled and there is never a line at the bathroom.  I watch the game and lurk on Facebook posting things like “Really refs?  Why don’t you just wear the other team’s jerseys??” or “Catch the ball you dufus!” or “Have you seen our defense because they haven’t shown up to the game yet!” or “Wreck ’em Tony we need this win!”.  (yes I’m a NASCAR redneck, let’s move on)  In other words, posts just as useful as my whiney friend’s.

So my love / hate relationship with Facebook continues.  I’m able to keep track of my nieces and nephews who are out starting lives and families of their own and I can keep track of friends I haven’t seen in 2 months or 22 years as well as know what grocery store my employees are currently shopping in – all while I sit comfortably on my couch.  And the entire time it appears as if I am “offline”.